For the first time in I don't know how long, I was actually prepared for the snow i.e. I had plenty of de-icer and a shovel. Although actually, the shovel is on loan. But still, I had one. Also? For the record? I totally tried to buy a shovel at Wal-Mart after the last snow and they didn't have one. Not a single fucking shovel. At Wal-Mart. Which sells everything. Except, apparently, shovels.
Point is, when I woke up to ~ 6 inches of snow on Monday morning, I didn't panic. Instead, I waited for it to get light outside and then I went out to shovel my driveway. And when I say shovel, I mean shovel. I didn't just cut tracks or clear a portion. I cleared the entire fucking thing. And my driveway? She is wide. And long.
Two plus hours of shoveling that had me stripping off clothes and sweating through my wool hat. Two plus hours that left me with a wet head and fear of catching cold and screwing up my first trip home in over 6 months. On the plus side: do you know how easy and delightful it is to shovel fresh, powdery snow? It is easy and delightful. Trust me. And after the shoveling I sprinkled ~ 60lbs. of Blizzard Wizard aka de-icer just to be safe.
Of course, my efforts were basically all for naught because while my driveway was clear, nothing else was. I live in on a fairly busy stretch of road and by 3pm it had only been partially plowed. Given my driving skills, there was no point in my venturing out despite a severe shortage of Coke Zero Cherry.
Additionally, although it had stopped snowing yesterday morning, the freezing rain began late afternoon and continued for most of the night. So I woke up this morning to...ice. Everywhere. My driveway. The main road I am on. All of it. To make matters worse, today's weather forecast was for clouds, the possibility of more freezing rain, and temperatures topping out at a whopping 33 degrees i.e. none of this shit was melting and I wasn't going anywhere.
And yet, in some unexplained moment of batshit crazy, I decided to shovel and de-ice my driveway. Again. Despite my back and shoulders aching already from yesterday. Despite my inability to go anywhere even if I did get my driveway clear.
And so I endured another 2+ hours of back-breaking, manual labor. And let me tell you something: slush and ice is not remotely the same thing as fresh, powdery snow. There was nothing easy and delightful about this morning. Nothing.
I sweat so much that the outside of my ski parka was damp. Snot was dripping helplessly from my nose as I chipped and hacked and kicked at the ice. A blister the size of a quarter formed on my right palm. Another, the size of a dime, on my left. Another 20 lbs. of de-icer got sprinkled everywhere. Not that I was going anywhere. But I did it. I made my driveway my bitch. And then I came inside and died.
Seriously. I could barely hold myself upright. My hands were so sore and so cramped I could hardly open the bottle of extra strength Naproxen to take 6, let alone type emails for work. The early morning aches in my back and shoulders were exponentially more painful. Exhausted doesn't even BEGIN to describe how I felt and I eventually gave up on trying to get anything else done and flung myself on the sofa and prayed for sweet mercy.
Clearly, I don't need a man when it snows. I do, however, need a driver. And a masseuse. Obviously.
PS As it turns out, my shoveling wasn't totally for naught as The Kaiser showed up to
prevent me from going stark raving mad rescue me, right after lunch. Of course, he was en route to the gym so I got to go to .....THE GYM. Yes. After expending every, single ounce of energy I had and subsequently dying a slow, painful death, I donned my Lulus and went to work out. For 2 hours.
PPS I trained my trainer today. We did legs. I might have made him cry.
PPPS Between the leg workout and the insane shoveling, I am fairly certain that I won't be able to move tomorrow. At all. Thursday is looking questionable too.
PPPPS Most importantly, I now have a full supply of Coke Zero Cherry, so all true emergencies have been avoided.