I arrived at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Amazing (aka Pops and Gigi aka Dr. Diva's parents) at 3pm on Christmas Eve. I came bearing Crack Pie, 3 pints of Jeni's homemade ice cream and a bottle of 2005 Gun Bun Cabernet Sauvignon. Fuck the Three Wise Men. Who needs them?
The afternoon was spent eating delicious cheese and drinking delicious wine and flipping through
bridal magazines chick porn (since Dr. Diva and Shortstop recently got engaged). Then, after a lovely Christmas Eve church service, we retured home and began the first of about 1000 delicious gourmet meals. This one centered around Julia Childs' Bouef a la Parisienne and salad. Yes - salad thanks to a bottle of local ramp vinegar that I found in Gigi's fridge. That shit is just awesome, and since she gifted me the bottle I plan to eat nothing but salad from now until it runs out.
I woke up Christmas morning and headed downstairs for coffee. Pops was working on getting this started:
(Just as an FYI: the fireplace looks like this ALWAYS Chez Amazings. ALWAYS.)
However before I could get coffee, Gigi appeared and scolded me for crossing the Santa Line:
In my defense, the Santa Line had not yet been tied when I made my initial trek downstairs. And in Gigi's defense, after I had been admonished and shuffled back upstairs, she delivered me coffee in bed. Still, nothing quite like being 35 and scolded for coming downstairs early on Christmas morning.
Dr. Diva had told me that there would be a stocking for me however she also said that it would mainly have oranges and dental floss so you can imagine my surprise at my stocking swag:
Seriously: I may have gotten teary.
The plan was to leave after stockings and head back home to celebrate the rest of Christmas with Lilsaej and her family however 2 things happened simultaneously:
Pops got a weather alert on his iPhone that Western NC was being hammered with snow (although we had yet to see any in our neck of the woods) and my mother called from NY to confirm that I would under no circumstances be driving. As bad as I felt about not making it to see Lilsaej, everyone agreed that my not dying was a good thing.
So I got to stay around for Christmas breakfast:
Nothing screams Merry Christmas quite like poached eggs, Hollandaise, bacon and German lager.
Also? Dr. Diva may save lives as a brilliant vascular surgeon but she can also save sauce. As we went for round 2 of liberally buttered toast smothered in Hollandaise (which is essentially lemon scented butter thickened with egg yolks so really we were eating BUTTER), Dr. Diva discovered that her gorgeous Hollandaise had broken. However, instead of declaring it dead, she preformed the equivalent of culinary CPR and within 6 minutes the sauce had been completely restored to its former glory. It was truly a Christmas miracle.
The rest of Christmas involved the men being all lumberjacky-like and chopping wood for several hours while the girls wrapped presents and looked at wedding dresses. All of that wrapping and browsing left us spent so we retired to the hot tub with a bottle of Albarino. Christmas dinner was a balsamic-fig roasted pork tenderloin, Brussels slaw, blue cheese butternut squash puree, and more salad with the good-as-crack salad dressing. We eventually got to present opening and then everyone retired to bed while I curled up on the sofa in front of the fire with a glass of wine to watch Scrooged. Of course I promptly fell asleep.
I woke up on Sunday to this:
And since it was still snowing, plans to depart were once again thwarted which was fine by me because given my druthers, I would spend every morning sitting in a hot tub under a snowy canopy of trees, drinking coffee while snow falls gently on my head.
Breakfast was more liberally buttered toast (Pops butters it first and then toasts it so you get nothing but crunchy, butter soaked goodness) and slow cooked scrambled eggs. And for the record, there is totally a difference between slow cooked and fast cooked scrambled eggs in that slow cooked scrambled eggs kick fast cooked scrambled eggs' ass.
Eventually the snow stopped and we headed out for football (because the satellite was out) and groceries (because we were out of wine). Dr. Diva and I whipped up some Spicy Vietnamese Beef and Noodle Soup for dinner:
And we finished up the evening with some hard core, ultra competitive Cancellation Hearts. Word of warning: I take my card playing VERY seriously and I get uber cranky when I lose.
Although I was invited to stay another day, the roads were driveable and so Monday morning (with a little help from Pops getting out of the woods and to a main thoroughfare) I headed home where I was relieved to discover that my pipes hadn't frozen, my basement hadn't flooded and Psycho Kitty was still alive.
All in all, it was one of the best Christmases I've had in a really long time. And while normally Mother Nature pisses me off with her menopausal weather histrionics, she actually managed to do something right this time: she left me stranded in paradise.