1. I am the Lord thy God - Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.

No problem.

 

2. Thou shalt not make for yourself an idol.

Obviously someone missed the memo on the "no false idols." 

 

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

So yelling "Jesus Christ, asshole," when a driver cuts you off and nearly runs you off the road is ok. But if you keep texting OMG you're probably going to Hell.

 

4. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.

And if you can't remember the Sabbath, at least remember Ozzy Osbourne.

 

5. Honour thy father and thy mother.

Translated in some religious sects as: "Party thy ass off with thy mother."

 

6. Thou shalt not murder.

Even so, it couldn't hurt to get a really good defense team.

 

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Especially with this dude.

 

8. Thou shalt not steal.

Especially if you're a famous actress and there are surveillance cameras.

 

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

It leaves a bad taste in people's mouths.

 

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house; thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is thy neighbor's."

Commandment not valid in West Virginia.

PS: So in case you're wondering what inspired this, the Girl Scout's birthday is October 10th aka 10/10 and this year being 10/10/10 she elevated everything to the 10th degree and all party guests were asked to bring something that comes in 10s. I brought the commandments. Well - my version anyways.

PPS: If you really want to laugh so hard you snort coffee/beer/Diet Coke through your nose, check out Bible Riffs. Funniest website EVER and the writer is actually married to my 3rd cousin twice removed so we're like, related and shit, which is pretty cool because DUDE: he is epically funny.  

3 Comments

LMAO. Thanks, I needed a laugh this morning!!

HAhahaha! What an excellent way to start my morning, and week! :D

I literally shuddered at the photo of Bret Michaels. If I have nightmares tonight, I'm blaming you.

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