I always knew that I wouldn't stay in the house where I currently live.  I moved here out of legal necessity. I moved here because I already owned it.  It was meant to be a transition from my old life to my new life. 

17 months later I am still here.  So much for transition.

I still plan on selling this house. Well - fixing it up and then selling it. The problem is, I don't know where I want to go. I don't know where I should go.

So I sit on the fence.

I have lived in Smalltown USA for the last 4.5 years.  When I first moved to NC I never actually expected to stay in Smalltown USA. It too was supposed to be a temporary transition on the way to life in the Big City, but for a number of reasons, I stayed. I think it shocks people that a girl born and raised on the Upper East Side of Manhattan actually enjoys small town life. I think it shocks them even more that I am still here despite the events of the last year and a half.  

I love my life here and I love my friends. That's what I tell people when they ask me why I am still here.  What I don't love is driving 90 miles round trip 4 days a week.  What I don't love is getting home late after work keeps me in the Big City until 9:30pm. 

I miss swanky bars and posh new restaurants, but on the other hand I am totally content to hang with Sumo and the Kaiser at our local sports bar on a Sunday eating my weight in chicken wings and drinking cheap draft beer. 

Think about the money I would save on gas if I moved to the Big City. Think about how much more I'd spend in rent.

I'd have to give up The Stylist every 4 weeks because no one else in the world is going to give me a cut, color and blow dry for under $60.  

I'd have to say goodbye to my trainer who has spent the last 15 months kicking my ass and whipping me into shape.

But I'd probably say hello to an actual dating scene because lord knows there ain't none where I'm at now.

A move to the Big City would bring me back to my cosmopolitan roots.  It would also take me away from so many people who I have come to love and cherish.

So I sit on the fence. 

Since the flurry of renovations over the summer, I haven't done a thing. There is more painting to be done and carpet to be ripped up and banisters to be installed (yes - it's true - there is no banister on the stairs - just a knotted rope like you'd find on a ship).  There are cracks to be patched and landscaping to attend to and wallpaper that needs to be smoothed out and glued down. 

None of this is major but I can't bring myself to move forward with the cosmetic overhaul of my house because once the overhaul is complete, I will have to list my house. And once I list it, there's the possibility it will sell. And then I'll be forced to make a decision. A decision that I just can't bring myself to make.

So I sit on the fence and do nothing.

6 Comments

I think you'll know when the time comes. Until then, why not just enjoy your life as it is? You deserve it.

Ohhhh man -- I MISS the $60 for a full on salon trip. I still talk about them, 3 years later. It costs me $40+tip for just a cut & style in my big city. I've been DYING to go back red for awhile, but I can't afford the maintenance. Something would have to give -- like cable. Or the electric bill.

When it's time for the transition, it'll happen. I spent 16 months after graduation back at home, the last place I thought I'd find myself. 3 months of drinking and staying up all night, sleeping all day. the next 13 months working my ass off at part-time jobs, sometimes 50 hours a week. When I was done, I was done. It didn't take long to transition because I knew it was time to move on.

Don't fret; enjoy it while you're here. And Jesus -- come to NYC before the new year. I NEED A TOUR GUIDE!

Sounds like on the fence is exactly where you're supposed to be right now! Enjoy it!

It sounds to me like you really need to stay there. I always think it's ironic that we put all sorts of work into renovating a house and love the way it comes out, only to move! If you can vocalize the reasons you want to stay as you did right here, then clearly, moving is not in the cards for you!@

I *hate* Rush, but I always liked that one great line: "when you choose not to decide you still have made a choice".

It sounds like the only real positive is a more robust dating scene. I might only know what I know about dating from movies/tv, but I'd imagine that a cosmopolitan dating scene has a little more emphasis on the superficial than you've grown to require. "More" may not necessarily equal "better" (remember, I don't actually have a hot clue, just gross stereotyping).

However, you may have already made your decision :-)

Sometimes having lots of options is not awesome. I really dislike that "I haven't made this decision" feeling but Harmzie is right (I refuse to credit Rush) not making one is a choice.

On a side note the Hallmark Movie Channel movies always have a new guy coming into small towns after he's mended a broken heart and bought a ranch of some kind. Be on the look out.

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