I usually tend to ignore Facebook status updates that say "If you love your mother..." or "If you have a loved one in heaven..." or "If you think Jesus Christ died for you.,." or "If you secretly pick your nose when no one is looking..." then repost this as YOUR status.  I mean - for the most part, these tend to be pretty innocuous and well meaning. I just think it sort of takes away from the whole thing if you need someone to tell you to do it.  I love my mom. And if I feel like posting that I love her, I will. What I don't need is someone telling me to do it.

That all said, this morning I was flipping through Facebook and I saw the following status update from my friend Suzy Voices:

♥ I'M A HANDFUL ♥ I'm strong willed, independent & outspoken. I make mistakes. I am sometimes out of control & at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst then you sure don't deserve me at my best. If you're a HANDFUL, then repost this on your status!... I dare you!

And while I didn't repost - I stole it for my blog because y'all - I am totally a handful.  In fact, I am more like 2 (maybe 3) and I worry about how that will impact my ability to get involved in a loving, long term caring relationship because Jesus Christ I can be a lot sometimes.

I am needy. I am insecure.  I am neurotic.  I am demanding. And selfish. And flirty.  As a Leo born under the ruling planet of the Sun I suffer from a wicked case of the MEMEMEMEMEs and let me tell you: if my future Mr. Right doesn't drop everything immediately and put me first, we're going to have problems. Also? My gastro-intestinal workings are not exactly delicate and flower-like.  (See also: I eat a lot of cabbage.)

On the plus side, I am working like hell on trying to fix my issues. I know I am insecure. I also know I don't have to be. I  know that I require being the center of attention at all times. I also know that that's completely unrealistic.  I am trying. REALLY HARD.  But it's a lot easier to continually worry about what's not working than it is to focus on what is working. 

And what is working? Well let's see: I am a badass in the kitchen.  I am smart. I am successful.  I enjoy old movies on TCM as much as I enjoy watching The Hunt For Red October for the 1754th time.  I also like Jim Carrey i.e. I am not above goofy, scatological humor. I can read. Actual books. I mean, I read trashy magazines too, but I have a brain.  I like to play Scrabble. And go to museums. And the opera. And I also like sitting around on a Sunday watching football/basketball/NASCAR and drinking my weight in Guinness.  I am refined - usually.  But I am not afraid to yell SUCK IT CAROLINA when Duke takes a meaningful lead in the 2nd half. In short, I am a mish mosh of 100 different things that may not naturally fit together (how many other people can truly claim to love the opera AND NASCAR) but somehow work when rolled up in the quirky, engaging, occasionally exasperating package known as me. 

And part of that package is the downside. The neuroses.  The need for attention. The selfishness.  It's all part of the same deal. The thing is, like Suzy's status said: if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. 

I may be a handful. Or more.  But I also know that I put a lot back in. So instead of worrying about everything that could potentially go wrong in a so-far-non-existent-future relationship, I am going to focus on all of the positive and putting my best foot forward. After all, my feet are cute and I have killer shoes.   

7 Comments

Life is boring without a little crazy. And you're the best kind!

"If you're a HANDFUL, repost this as your status; if you're an ARMLOAD, write a blog-post about it!"

You're awesome. And I miss your fullness in my arms.

I have to go write a p0rn screenplay now. You know, one set in the 18th century.

AWESOME! I love how you took it and rolled with it! Scatalogical humor, HA! I like semenological humor.

AndreAnna said it best. & all that you listed are the reasons I love you so!

Best line I have read today: "My gastro-intestinal workings are not exactly delicate and flower-like." And I've read a lot of shit today. Oh, sorry.
From one crazy to another, I love you.

Oh, honey, everyone said it. You are wonderfully crazy, and we love you! Don't change for anyone else but yourself, because the dude who's good enough for you will find you and love you for you.

Women that are handfuls either find men who are handless (whimpy) or are fistfuls (strong enough to handle a woman like you). So all is good my dear. The fistful men are out there - they're just a little "tougher" to find. All you have to do is keep your eyes open because right now one of them is looking for you!

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