Fact: I have awesome friends.  Weekends are hard, holiday weekends are harder, and this holiday weekend in particular is a doozy. I had absolutely no intention of being alone over the 3-day weekend and so some time back in May I invited myself to accompany Lilsaej to her sister's house on the Lake and she graciously didn't say no.

Fact: Lilsaej and I will drink exactly however many cans of Michelob Ultra we bring with us and then we usually still need a few more.

Fact: I cannot pee in a lake. I tried for about 5 minutes before finally giving up.

Fact: Not being able to pee in a lake and being miserable from the discomfort is worse than having to publicly announce to a boatload of casual acquaintances that you cannot pee in a lake and then making them erect what I affectionately dubbed The Princess Potty and then peeing no less than 8 times over the course of the afternoon and even though there is a curtain/zippered shell thing to give you privacy, dude, it's still not that private.   

Fact: Once I got my bathroom issues resolved I was able to drink a lot more beer truly enjoy my time on the boat without suffering from hourly panic attacks about "what if I have to pee...again."

Fact: It is possible for a single person to consumer an entire bag of Kettle baked white cheddar potato chips in one sitting.

Fact: I make the world's best chocolate chip cookies. Everyone keeps telling me so. So anyone out there want to bankroll my cookie empire?

Fact: Lilsaej made me watch The Ugly Truth and I might have died from the stupid.  Katherine Heigl has annoyingly neurotic and did I mention ANNOYING down cold and I think I'd rather prick my skin all over with a rusted out cocktail fork than suffer through that mind numbing hell again.  Not even Gerard Butler could save this movie - THAT'S HOW BAD IT WAS.

Fact: Up, on the other hand, is pure cinematic genius.

Fact: Apples to Apples is the best party game over even though I routinely get my ass handed to me.

Fact: I am either really good at Cornhole or really bad. I can't decide.  I generally throw too short, too far, too left, or too right, but when I do actually manage to hit the board, my bag generally goes in the hole. I think that's a sign that I have some raw talent that needs to be nurtured.

Fact: There are in fact people who get excited about driving through South Carolina just to buy fireworks. Bobo is one of them and he brought an arsenal with him for the weekend:

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Fact: Fireworks are part fun, part scary and all kinds of sparkly.

Fact: I had an awesome July 4th weekend. How about you?

6 Comments

I really need to come hang out with you and lilsaej like now. Except I hate Miller. And boats make me nauseous.

On second thought, can we sit on a dock and drink wine?

I don't like to even get in water where I can't see the bottom and might have to put my feet on squishy/icky/rocky things.
What's apples to apples?

My neighborhood was awash in illegal fireworks, too (bought from either Indiana or Wisconsin). When I was a kid we would drive across the boarder from Minnesota to Wisconsin, switch cars with my grandma (who lived in Wisconsin), go and buy fireworks, then get our car back and drive home again. Because Wisconsin cops would sit near the firework stands and radio the Minnesota license plates they saw to cops on the Minnesota side of the river and all of them would just HAPPEN to be pulled over when they went back to Minnesota, and their fireworks would be confiscated. And probably set off at the next cop picnic.

OK don't shoot me, but I hate 4th of July. Not because I'm unpatriotic, but because I really hate fireworks. Now, the professional displays are awesome. I'm talking about the neighbors who shoot the motherfuckers off for hours on end, and my dogs get so scared they won't go outside to pee.

I can pee just about anywhere. In fact I just peed in my chair to prove it.

And UP is pure magic.

Happy Belated 4th!

My neurotic sister talked me into spending way to much for friggin fireworks. I was giving her $200 and she ended up spendin $450. WTF?!? Then after an hour or so of fireworks, they still had well over half left. We left town and will never see them blow up the rest of them.

We also had the church over to mom's after service for a big cook out. To be honest, despite the muckiness of the south, it was fun. I am very glad we went this year.

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