Most of the time, I can handle being alone. In fact, most times I actually like it. It's a test of strength. Of capability. It forces me to be independent.  To take care of myself.  I don't have to compromise or adjust to meet someone else's needs. It's all about me, which as a Leo who is ruled by the sun and enjoys being the center of attention almost always, is a good thing.

But sometimes, being alone is bad. For example...when I am in bed sound asleep and suddenly a very loud rattle rattle thump clonk thump emanates from my kitchen and startles me awake. Then being alone sucks especially because....it's 11:45pm and who the hell can I call at that hour to come over and investigate?

So yeah. Last night. 11:45pm. Rattle rattle thump clonk thump. So I did what any overly neurotic, tightly wound, freaked out single girl who had just been jerked unceremoniously from slumber would do and I Tweeted lay in bed PANICKING with my heart pounding, praying that the noise would not repeat itself so I could go back to sleep and not actually have to face the source of the rattle rattle thump clonk thump which I was fairly certain was actually coming out of my DRAIN. I know. What the fuck goes rattle rattle thump clonk thump in a drain?

Alas after a blissfully silent minute, there was another loud rattle rattle thump clonk thump - clearly emanating from somewhere beneath my kitchen sink (1) my bedroom is off the kitchen which is why I could hear this all so well and 2) usually when I run my washing machine something happens in my plumbing and I can usually hear a gurgle gurgle plonk gurgle in my kitchen drain so I specifically know what noises coming out of my kitchen drain sound like.) and so I was forced to get out of bed to check it out.

I grabbed the oversized flashlight that I keep bedside, poked my head into the kitchen and shined the light, expecting to see a ROUS scurrying around somewhere because I still couldn't wrap my sleep-befuddled brain around the fact that something was rattling around in my drain. No ROUSes so I crawled back into bed only to be disturbed by another rattle rattle thump clonk thump at which point I may have uttered a string of expletives because Holy Hell I was tired and OMFG I had to be up at the asscrack of dawn the following day for a 250 mile road trip and for the love of my occasionally fraying sanity did this really have to happen LATE AT NIGHT WHEN THE ENTIRE WORLD WAS ASLEEP? I enjoy showing my tough side as much as the next badass, but sometimes? Sometimes I am a fucking girl and late night noises in my kitchen drain are one of the times. 

The second time I got out of bed I actually ventured into the kitchen and turned the light on and scanned every corner and surface for something that looked like it might be the source of all these damn rattles and clonks and thumps.  I even opened the kitchen cabinets under the sink and looked to see what might be hiding there.  Nothing. And while I was proud of myself for being brave enough to actually get close to whatever it was that was turning into me a sleep-deprived crankypants, I was also a quivering wreck. Still, a thorough inspection yielded nothing, and after hanging out for a few minutes listening for more panic-provoking noises and not hearing any, I turned out the light and crawled into bed.

Only to hear rattle rattle thump clonk thump. Well motherfuck me. And at this point I may have forgotten about being scared shitless and then I think I just got mad because HELLO: I don't do well on little to no sleep and it's impossible to sleep when you've got ROUSes going at it like bunnies in your plumbing. And if it wasn't an ROUS, I was fairly certain that Oda Nobunaga's family was planning their retaliation on me and that they planned on storming Chez Rougie through my kitchen sink.

This time I didn't venture into the kitchen. This time I fucking stormed it. I turned on every light, made as much noise as I could to seem scary and big and capable of DEATH, and then I turned on the water in the sink because I have no idea what the fuck was actually in my drain, but I was pretty sure it didn't know how to swim.  

As it turns out, I was right on a few levels. Whatever was making the noise was in my drain and did not survive the flood because after I turned the water off, there was no more noise.  I drifted back off to sleep and was not disturbed for the rest of the night. Nor did I hear anything this morning while I was getting ready although I ran the water for a while just to be safe.  Where I screwed up was apparently I was supposed to put something heavy over the drain opening because there was the possibility that when I flushed the fucker out, he (or she) might have been pissed and tried to escape out the other way into my kitchen. Thanks Lilsaej - for the redneck home safety tip. I'll keep that in mind for next time. 

Also? I am seriously considering firearms.

9 Comments

Wait, wait. There was a LIVE thing in your DRAIN?

I would have died.

And then it would have crawled out of the drain and feasted on my fresh carcass.

Because: MY GOD. The drain?!

I love you simply because you know what ROUSes are.

Yikes!!! we had a similar noise here in teh winter but it was because the stink pipe was frozen! you probably don't have that problem in warm states?

I totally just googled Rous!!! burn the house down!

AAAAACCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What is a "stink pipe"?

Do not consider firearms. My idiot ex-husband once shot up a floor and tore up a considerable portion of a house in pursuit of a squirrel.

I can be a tough girl - I cleaned goop out of my eavestroughs today - but not when it comes to ROUSes. Now *I'M* scared to go to bed...

(Gee, thanks for the credit. I am such a neurotic redneck.)

By the way, I've heard many credible stories about snakes (several this year), rats and even baby alligators (not locally) getting in sewer/septic systems and coming in through toilets and bathtubs, so a sink isn't that big of a stretch. If it had been my kitchen sink, I totally would have flipped on the disposal, which probably would have done more harm than good. Yuck!

Or it could have been a septic back-up...equally as nasty and scary, if you ask me.

(Sidenote: next time you see my sister, ask her about the rat in when Jay was out to sea. Dad said "just close the lid and flush it." I ALWAYS look before I sit!)

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