Dude. It's spring. Do you want to know how I know? Because a fucking GIANT ASS cloud of pollen erupted over the entire state of North Carolina and took a giant yellow, powdery shit over EVERYTHING. Seriously. It's like the Universe had a massive case of pollen-induced GI issues and shat yellow EVERYWHERE.

And while most everyone I know is suffering due to sinus headaches, puffy eyes, runny noses, sneezing, wheezing, and general ALLERGY-RELATED-BULLSHIT, I am suffering from a massive case of OC-Fucking-Dear-Lord-Please-Pass-The-Meds-D.

Yeah. It's that bad.

My car. My car makes me want to CLAW MY OWN EYES OUT WITH A SPORK IT IS SO FUCKING DIRTY. Seriously. Every time I see it/get in it/think about it I want to peel my skin off and bathe in a vat of Clorox because OMFG the Dirt! The Pollen! The Yellowy Powdery GUNK THAT IS FUCKING EVERYWHERE. AAAACCCHHHHH.

There is no point in getting it washed. Do you want to know how I know this? Because I washed my windshield the other day while I was filling up and within a nano-second it was re-encrusted with the crystallized pollen from HELL. Seriously!? Is there anything that will kill this shit?

And what's worse - it's not just my car. It's ALL cars. Driving down the Freeway it's like Coldplay took over and gave new meaning to the song "And It Was All Yellow." It's like the Universe hocked up a giant YELLOW POLLEN HAIR BALL all over EVERYONE and is laughing at us HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. GAH. 

Seriously? I'd rather be clawing my sinuses out in pain than wanting to take an industrial-strength Brillo pad and one of those giant hoses the circus uses to clean off elephants and FUCKING SCRUB THE LIVING HELL OUT OF THE UNIVERSE BECAUSE OMFG THE YELLOW IS KILLING ME.KILLING. ME.

So yeah. I don't have allergies. But I am severly OCD. Just a little.

PS It's raining as I write this. Hoping the storms clean everything off. Otherwise I am definitely going to have to adjust my meds.