Last week I was having drinks and pomme frites (and duck confit pizza and 4 cheese fondue and all sorts of other yumminess) with The Banker and The Realtor, and we were gabbing, as ladies are prone to do, about what makes The Ideal Man.  Conveniently, The Realtor actually had her List handy - you know that List that every woman has detailing her "Mr. Right" and which incidentally, I don't have. Ahem.

So I've been giving my version of Mr. Right some thought. And so far there's only one thing I am sure of: I could never, ever, ever, ever in a million years be with a man* who eats Miracle Whip because Miracle Whip (as per my dear friend Queen Bitchypants) is Satan's Semen.

 

* Unless that man happens to be Nathan Fillion in which case he could eat Miracle Whip smothered in Velveeta and I wouldn't give a shit. 

 

8 Comments

Uh yeah. Nathan Fillion could lick Miracle Whip off my naked body and I'd allow that. As long as he changed the sheets after.

Wow! That is a very unique requirement. I have never had a list. Maybe after all the drama is over, my heart is healed, and I am ready to hope again, I mmight think of things that would work on a list.

Miracle Whip would not be on my list. ;) Not being an alcholic is HUGE on my list.

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Deb,
All men are alcoholics - we're adaptive creatures and its how we've best learned to deal with women. I do wish you well in the healing process.

I can't tell you what makes the perfect man aside from a mirror, but I have put a great deal of thought into the perfect woman: a six foot nymphomaniac supermodel with no voicebox, a full set of tools, mechanical ability, an advanced culinary degree, a dad that owns a brewery, an open minded twin sister and an inclination to keep a place clean. If you can meet this criteria I'll learn to deal with the fucking Miracle Whip.

Miracle whip is NASTY!!!!

Highly recommend some of the ideas Lori Gottlieb discusses in her book "Marry Him" http://www.lorigottlieb.com/

Biff,

Your comment made me smile at the end of a very long day. Thanks. Good Luck with your ideal mate criteria.

:)

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I'm glad I could make you smile, Debb. Hang in there, we're not all jerks although we certainly do earn the reputation at times.

That would be AL BUNDY

Satan's Semen! I almost peed my pants.

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