I Don't Care if Jesus Was a Jew. I Don't Think He Never Ate (Or Sold) Matzoh.

So I don't exactly live in Little Israel. In fact, when I first moved down here to Smalltown USA Dad used to joke that there was a 1-Jew quota and I was it and that's why he and mom couldn't visit. Truth be told, I not only live in a pretty much Jew-less town (if there are 5 of us in this town I'd be SHOCKED), but I live smack dab in the heart of the Bible Belt. Which means that the checkout girl at Wal-Mart is likely to tell you to have a "blessed day" and upon meeting a stranger they will oftentimes ask you where you go to church before they ask you where you live or where you went to school. Such is life in the South and I am pretty much used to it.

So you can imagine my surprise when I walked into the local Bi-Lo yesterday morning to stock up on sick day essentials and saw a giant table laden with products for Passover. There were boxes upon boxes of matzoh. There was matzoh meal. Kosher for Passover macaroons. There may have been more - it was simply overwhelming. I mean - they usually keep 1 or 2 boxes of Manischewitz brand products on the lowest shelf in the ethnic food aisle but as I previously stated, this town is not exactly teeming with Tribe members and so to see so much kosher food in one place - well, it almost made me smile with pride.

Until I saw the sign. Taped to the Manischewitz-laden table was an 8.5 x 11 piece of white paper that someone had written on in purple marker:

"This do in rememberance of me" and then underneath were 3 large, hand-drawn crosses.

Um - What the fucking fuck Bi-Lo people? Are you serious?

After I Tweeted this horrifying discovery, I walked around Bi-Lo in a complete and utter haze for like 10 minutes, unable to process what I had just seen. It just didn't compute. Jesus is EVERYWHERE down here. And that's fine. I get it. I accept it. I live with it daily. BUT REALLY?? DID YOU HAVE TO ADD HIM TO THE DAMN MATZOH DISPLAY TOO? I DON'T CARE IF HE WAS A JEW. I have celebrated Passover for the last 35 years - most years 2 nights so I'd say I've participated in at least 60 Seders, probably more. And I'm sorry but I don't remember Jesus ever being in the Haggadah. Jesus's death is not part of the Passover story. And his death upon the cross has nothing to do with why we eat matzoh (and bitter herbs, why we recline and why we ask a whole lot of questions).

Part of me wants to give the local Bi-Lo folks major props for taking the time, effort and resources to promote a culture and religion that is virtually nonexistent and exceptionally unfamiliar in this town. No doubt there was enough matzoh on that 1 table to supply the entire local Jewish community (and half a dozen potential converts) for the next two decades. And I will happily agree that Judaism and Christianity have the same roots, that the Torah is the same is the Old Testament, and that there are many beliefs we have in common. But where I draw the line is the whole "Jesus died on the cross for my sins" thing. That is not part of the Jewish faith and I take enormous personal offense that it was thrust upon me.

So my suggestion to the Bi-Lo folks is that in the future, please keep Jesus over by the Cadbury Cream Eggs and marshmallow Peeps - where he belongs. And keep him away from my unleavened bread.

I don't know. What do you think? Am I overreacting?

PS Lilsaej told me last night that in Finland, Duct Tape is called Jesus Tape. As she put it, she's pretty sure there's a joke in there somewhere. I'm inclined to agree only my head is still spinning from the whole "Jesus selling matzoh" thing.

6 Comments

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Shelly LeBlanc | March 5, 2010 8:16 AM | Reply

Holy shit. That's freaking incredible. & one of the reasons I disliked living in the south. I do not do well when asked which church I go to before being asked my name.

Debb | March 5, 2010 11:53 AM | Reply

I would like to say I am appalled. But, I am just so shocked I have not made it to appalled yet.

I am sure it was not the company, but rather that particular store's employees that made the error.

I ask, did you speak up? Did you inform the manager of the ignorant mistake? Did you do your part for all the Jewish Southerners? Or did you just walk around in the store in a haze, tweet and leave?

I am not accusing, I am just curious. The only way to "fix" ignorance is to teach. Did you take a few minutes to calmly and kindly teach this store about their innapropriate actions?

"So my suggestion to the Bi-Lo folks is that in the future, please keep Jesus over by the Cadbury Cream Eggs and marshmallow Peeps - where he belongs. And keep him away from my unleavened bread."
Ummmm--Rougie this is a very harsh statement. I know you are upset, and rightly so but still I expect better of you than THIS.

harmzie | March 5, 2010 12:03 PM | Reply

I think Hanlon's Razor applies appropriately here: "do not attribute to malice that which can be easily explained by stupidity" (or ignorance, if you don't want to be inflammatory. But that sounds pretty stupid.)

Also, I don't know a lot about this stuff, but I'm not sure what Jeebus has to do with Cadbury Easter Cream Eggs, except when I eat them I say "Sweet Baby Jeebus, I'm in my happy place" (and then my teeth explode, but I'm sure it's unrelated).

Also, I don't know a lot about this stuff, but didn't the miracle of Passover predate the death of Jeebus by, like a thousand years or something?

martinis2nite | March 5, 2010 1:00 PM | Reply

As far as I know you ARE the only Jew in Lincolnton. At least that was our experience whenever Tavish's Jewish goddfather visited from NYC.

As for the Bi-Lo incident, chances are the employees were instructed by headquarters to pull out the Passover items into a display and since none of them have any idea what Passover is aside from the Last Supper and the story of Moses (who by the way they probably think was a Christian) and the only time they have ever seen anything that looked like matzo was the unleavened wafers at communion, they probably thought this was correct. However, it is quite possible that some evangelical Christian on the staff took the opportunity to try to make a point and convert all the "heathens." You should DEFINTELY say something AND demand that they remove the sign. You should also write to Bi-Lo headquarters and demand both an apology and an education session for their employees. I AM SERIOUS.

This sort of thing is one of the reasons that moving back there makes us nervous. It is sooo in your face all the time and this time I am not going to be quiet about it. If someone insists on asking me about my religion they'd better be prepared to answer some pretty pointed questions about theirs. How sick is it to celebrate that a young man was sacrificed in such a violent manner? It is a medieval ritual carried forward by myth, brain-washing of children, ignorance and denial of fact.

As for the Cream Eggs and Peeps - they have about as much to do with Easter as Santa Claus has to do with Christmas - which is nothing religious - just enjoy eating them.

Kyooty | March 5, 2010 6:42 PM | Reply

Really keep Jesus out of it! It's a slap in the face of Jews. He has his last supper, he's got Christmas, Ash Wednesday, that whole month of May for his mom, Passion Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday (holiday up here btw), Holy Saturday for the Vigil, then Sunday and guess what? yeah Eeaster Monday? holiday, they may have called him King of the Jews but it was not a compliment especially with that crown involved and all. Go to the manager and educate, tell them they are insulting your beliefs.

John Lafferty | March 6, 2010 2:44 PM | Reply

Went to the Bi-Lo to see the display. I had hoped to take a photo of the sign, but it was gone. There was, however plenty of Matzoh left. Enough to supply the community for years, unless we send some to Haiti, and it will go pretty far there....