I've been meaning to write about my weekend in Miami since I landed on Sunday but Holy Hell between the weather and unpacking and my semi-fragile emotional state and sleep and repacking and traveling and work (you know those people who actually pay me) and dinner and dancing and standing on my feet in heels on a concrete floor at a trade show right across from the booth for the adult diaper company for 6+ hours and more work and more dinner and more sleep....well, I haven't had time.

At the very least, you'll be pleased to know that I've written the post 16 times in my head. And every version was awesome. But also? They were long since I pretty much wrote out a minute-by-minute, drink-by-drink, here's what we did every waking minute for 48-hours recap and OMG - I don't have time to actually write out the War and Peace version of my weekend so here's the bulleted version instead:

• 2 hours and 7 minutes on a plane listening to a child who would not. stop. squaloring.
• A glass of wine upon landing to ease the pain while waiting for the Agent to arrive.
• Late lunch poolside at The Raleigh: Caesar salad, haricots verts and a bottle of Cakebread Sauvignon Blanc.
• Glasses of Albarino lying on one of the poolside beds and gossping and catching up.
• A semi-buzzed trip to Walgreens.
• Caiphirina's at the Delano. That shit is STRONG.
• 27 Dresses on HBO, a nap and an overpriced bag of pretzels from the mini-bar.
• Dinner at Casa Tua: heavenly burrata with organic heirloom tomatoes, lemon risotto with pesto and rock shrimp, cheese plate, and a bottle of prosecco.
• A walk back to our hotel where it became obvious that actual hookers in Miami really must just blend with the rest of the folks walking around. Or there are a lot of hookers. It's unclear.
• Bed.
• My first run in 48 days. I saw a man in a fur turban, a lot of stray cats, and possibly one of Michael Jackson's children.
• Three miles totally kicked my ass.
• A sober trip to Walgreens for trashy magazines and Coke Zero that cost less than $5 a bottle.
• Two+ hours on a poolside bed, in the sun, reading said trashy magazines and more gossip.
• Also? For fun, we made our lists. You know, the list of everyone we'd ever....
• Slight horror at discovering there's a roughly 2 year period in my life that is one giant blur.
• A long, hot, hunger-inducing walk along Ocean Blvd.
• Lunch at News Cafe: Greek salad with chicken, hummus, lots of pita bread and a couple of glasses of Columbia Crest Grand Estates Chardonnay.
• Nerves at sending back the first glass of wine because it didn't taste right (and thinking the bartender would spit in the next glass).
• Pride when the waiter returned and told me he'd brought me Pinot Grigio by mistake.
• Getting crapped on by a pigeon.
• Gelato.
• Poolside nap.
• Stroll on the beach and an introduction to Footvolley.
• Reminiscing about some seriously funny shit that had me laughing to loud and so hard, people actually commented.
• $16 mojitos at the Raleigh while trying not to stare at the Pro Bowl Pool Party going on.
• Learning what it must be like to live in a rap video.

(I'll pause here to say that OMFG this party was some seriously crazy shit. It was like MTV Cribs meets a Puffy video with some small bikinis, plenty of booty, lots of bling, and the most insane poolside footwear I've ever encountered. These women were wearing 4-inch, knee high gold gladiator boots with their leopard print monokinis. I mean - truly - there are no words.)

• Glasses of rose on the OTHER side of the pool where it was less scary.
• Dinner at Meat Market Miami: cucumber Southsides*, fresh ceviche with mahi-mahi, tomatoes, lime and jalapenos, Ceasar salad, aged NY strip, gouda tater tots, caramelized Brussels sprouts, and a bottle of Malbec.
• A stroll home on Lincoln Avenue.
• A stop in a jewelry store to look for sparkly hoops and slight disbelief when the bitchy salesgirl told me I could not actually try any of the jewelery on. WTF?
• Bed.
• Early morning solo breakfast. When I asked for tomato juice, the waiter said they didn't have any so he sent someone to the store. Much appreciated.
• Less appreciated? The $5.50 they charged me.
• A second breakfast later on with The Agent during which time the very same waiter who had been so accomodating 90 minutes earlier, acted like our wanting to have breakfast was some giant inconvenience.
• Onset of panic because of the snow and ice in NC.

There's really not much else to tell you since from that point on I was pretty much a ginormous bundle of nerves and anxiety and every relaxing, wonderful moment of the trip was basically snatched from my fingers as I promptly freaked out for the next 10 hours.

That said, a weekend in Miami with my BFF in the middle of the wintery gray blah month of January was totally what the doctor ordered.

* So I used to drink gin and tonics back in the day and then one day I woke up and the smell and taste of gin literally made me gag. Recently I've been easing my way back into gin. It started with a Magellan and tonic at Miss Mary's a few months ago at one of her stylish soirees. These cucumber southsides (made with Hendricks) on Saturday were next and my oh my they were delicious.  So yeah. I may start drinking gin again.