I chew a lot of gum. My dentist tells me not to because apparently I grind my teeth something fierce and I basically have no enamel left whatsoever and apparently you can't put lost enamel back on your teeth which for the record totally sucks. I mean - you'd think with everything we're capable of doing vis-a-vis modern medicine someone could manufacture some faux enamel or strip it from somewhere else, put it into a wee little pot, and then your dentist could paint it onto your teeth. I mean - if Heidi Montag can have 10 plastic surgeries in a single day and turn into a walking, talking bag of silicone and plastic, you'd think I could get some fucking enamel on my teeth.

Anyways, my point is, I chew a lot of gum. And it's not like I'm sucking on watermelon Hubba Bubba. No. I chew sugarless gum in either cinnamon or mint to 1) freshen my breath 2) aid in digestion or 3) make me forget that I'm hungry. I happen to like the chiclet style gum, like this:

My problem with chiclet style gum is this:

THIS drives me up a fucking wall. Half empty packs of chiclets make me crazy. They make my skin itch. It's like worms are crawling in my ears. I don't quite know what to do with myself. And honestly - you can see what I started to do here. I CUT THE PACK DOWN. Yes. This happens to be a pack that sits in my desk drawer and rather than look at the empty hole next to the still-waiting-to-be-chewed chiclet, I cut it. Well, I started to and then I realized I had the makings of a blog post on my hands so I paused to photograph the offending packaging AND THEN I finished cutting it because OMFG: doesn't this make you batty too? Or is it just me?

Anyways, sometimes I'm not always at my desk. Sometimes I'm out and about somewhere and I want a piece of gum. But in order to maintain my sanity, I had to come up with a solution because it's not like I walk around with scissors in my bag. For one thing, I'm a little bit clumsy and I might accidentally stab myself. Or worse, someone else. And two, I think people would be really scared if I were walking down the street and then whipped out a pair of shears so that I could CUT MY GUM PACKAGING up. I mean - that's just flat out cuckoo. So instead, I cut the gum up IN ADVANCE and plunk it into a little bag, like so:

See how neat and tidy that is? And said little bag o' chiclets goes into my purse and that way, when I am ready for a piece of gum, I pop it out and all I'm left with is this:

And that single, solitary "wrapper" goes into the trash and then I don't go fucking crazy there is order in the universe, the stars are aligned and everything is as it should be. Because this:

THIS IS JUST WRONG. OMG - MAKE IT STOP. PLEASE.