Does anyone know if Pam Dawber is still alive because Holy Hell I've been watching a crapload of NCIS reruns on USA and DAMN! Mark Harmon is smokin' hot still which I find hard to believe given that he was a heartthrob sometime back in the 80s - HELLO ALMOST 30 YEARS AGO!!! (and OMFG don't I feel *old* now.) And while I never watched an episode of St. Elsewhere (he was on that - right?) I have seen Worth Winning more times than I care to admit and by the way did you know that Madeline Stowe is (or was?) married to Brian BenBen and I think they live on a ranch somewhere in Texas. Or not. Or maybe. I don't know. Texas is a big fucking state and Madeline Stowe hasn't made a movie since....since I don't even remember. OH WAIT! Totally remember. Creepy film with Ray Liotta as the stalkery cop and Kurt Russell as her poor, wrongly-accused-of-something-I-don't-remember husband. And now I wish I had Netflix so that I could push Worth Winning to the top of the queue and find every other film Mark Harmon ever made. Only...

It's 2010 and I don't have a working DVD player which means Netflix is totally lost on me. Well - that's not totally true. I have a DVD player that works when it feels like it which is usually when I am utterly distracted and not when I actually want to sit down and watch a freaking film like I did last week when The Kaiser lent me Casino Royale so that I could be introduced to Daniel Craig as James Bond and I got all set to watch it and I turned off the lights and I had my wine and my popcorn and....Fuck me! Well - not literally. But pretty much. My DVD player is part of my TV (my TV by the way, which is some random ass brand that the cable box doesn't even recognize. I shit you not. When the cable guy came to set me up he looked at my TV and looked at me like I was smoking crack or something living in the wrong century and politely told me that while the cable boxes provided by Charter recognized 18 gajillion brands of TVs, mine was 1 of about 2 that they don't recognize and I am pretty sure that this is why every time I turn on my TV I have to hit the input button to get to the right feed in order to actually watch TV. Yes - I do not make this shit up. Also? This is why my TiVO doesn't really work unless I set it AND the cable box to exactly the right channel (neither seems to be able to change channel on  its own - le sigh) and this is why I stopped watching American Idol because there are 78 episodes (or something) and if I miss even ONE I will totally freak so rather than suffer the heartbreaking, soul-crushing disappointment of my TiVO fucking up I just decided to excommunicate the show entirely from my life.)

Anyways, my sucktastic TV also comes attached to an even more sucktastic DVD player which is nothing short of tempermental and every once and a while, just when the movie is getting good, it freezes. Not a sudden stop mind you. More like a gradual, you know it's coming but you don't quite know when, the picture gets fuzzy and choppy and OMG NO BECAUSE THIS IS A CRITICAL MOM--  and then my DVD player basically says "Bite me" and I have no choice but to acquiesce (hello SAT word) because even though I have not one but two laptops, both of which have DVD drive thingys (that's the technical term) they don't actually have DVD readers or players or whatever it fucking takes to play the DVD because I tried on both after my TV-DVD player froze during the opening credits of Casino Royale. And then, for the record, I ejected, waited, re-loaded and then my DVD player had the NERVE to tell me that there was NO DISC and I'm all like: OF COURSE THERE'S A FREAKING DISC IN THERE - ARE YOU A MORON? And then I realized I was yelling at an out-of-date electronic appliance that clearly hates me anyways and I took a sip of wine and hung my head in shame.

Where was I?

Oh right. Does anyone know if Pam Dawber is still alive because I'd totally do Mark Harmon.